LA CRITIQUE

                           PRESENTER
Good evening, and welcome to La Critique. Tonight we are joined in the studio by Precious Mbuntu, who tops the Grenadian Times Bestselling List, Dame Enid Smythers doyenne of aimless and demonstrative chit chat, and finally Paul Shorley, failed writer and thriving smug embittered critic. For those who are not aware our first artist is classically trained having attended the Sorbonne. What do you make of his work Dame Enid.

                           DAME ENID
You're right Jesus Cervantes is based in the classical idiom. Yes, his exploration of it leaves me at odds with my own capacity to engage with other works. It stands alone and leaves me befuddled as an art lover going forward. I am at  loss. Where else can I go after this game changing piece; it's simply brilliant.

                          PAUL SHORLEY
He exudes a confidence that stultifies with a power developed from a very discreet place. We are in the midst of a genius. This is an epoch defining piece. Succinctly put it simply smoulders and it has an almost tangible pungency, it's arts art. Magnificent.

                           PRESENTER

Precious, I know you two have worked together.

                        PRECIOUS MBUNTU
The man is prolific, twice daily he produces pieces. He does indeed suffer for his art; it's a game changer, a new paradigm. Extraordinary.


[Cut to a shoulder shot of black polo neck wearing,  bespectacled, a la Woody Allen, Jesus Cervantes, screaming, flailing wildly and straining crazed with creative passion. 

Camera pulls back to reveal the artists pile of steaming, freshly dropped perfectly formed faeces, then pans to a sea of gallery goers applauding furiously as he kisses to the audience imperiously gesturing for even more applause which his acolytes willingly give.]

                        JESUS CERVANTES 
LOOK AT IT! Perfectly formed, like an emoji faeces. Please notice the perfect spiral and peek. It's my Latin heritage, it's all in the hips, concentric circles, you salsa, you know.  I am CERVANTES, Jesus Cervantes. Feast your eyes upon the essence of Cervantes. I give because I am, I am because I love, I love because I am,  full of love, yes full of it.